One of my favorite things about this blog is the list of search terms that people use to get here. Sometimes they are so off-the-wall that I have no idea how our site even came up (see: masturbated by sister), while others seem to be sex-related questions that people are too embarrassed to ask a real person and so just ask our magnanimous friend Google.
So I figured… why not answer these questions? If one person is afraid to ask it aloud, perhaps others are too! I can be the answer you are looking for. And so. I bring you:
The Accidental Advice Column
by Eden
Search Term: How to make anal desensitizing cream.
Now, I understand the DIY impulse. Why, I’m a big fan of “doing it myself” as much as the next gal. Why buy the price-inflated, over-packaged, chemical-enhanced, impersonal, carbon-emitting stuff in the store when you could just as easily use a little bit of elbow grease and make it at home? Totally right there with you, pal. The problem here, is that you should NOT USE ANAL DESENSITIZING CREAM EVER EVER. Not the stuff you can buy in stores, and certainly not whatever beastly concoction you’re planning on stirring up on the stove or in the bathtub or whatever. Don’t do it. Here’s why.
1. Butt sex should NOT hurt. Period. Period period. If it hurts, that is your body telling you to stop. I have waxed philosophical on this issue at length, so if you want a more complete explanation, please read this entry. Suffice it to say, if you go slowly, if you use an assload (literally!) of lube, and if you, perhaps, start with something smaller than a human cock or a giant dildo and then work your way up over time, you will find that your ass can be quite happy and accommodating and will not need to be numbed.
2. Have you ever had a cavity filled at the dentist? You know how they numb the shit out of your mouth and then you drool all over yourself and slur your speech for the next five hours? You know how sometimes, when you finally regain feeling in your mouth, you notice that your tongue is really painful, and in fact bleeding where you bit it and didn’t even notice? Imagine this is your ass, except your ass is even more sensitive than your mouth, and you were probably not trying to shove a cock in your mouth whilst waiting for the Novocaine to wear off (or maybe you were… hey, I’m not judging). Case in point… you can REALLY hurt your soft anal tissues if you numb them and don’t notice when they’re getting all ripped up. Pain means stop. Pain does not mean numb the shit out of thyself.
3. If you’re so keen on feeling nothing during butt sex, why are you doing it at all? If this is a situation where you are being coerced against your will, then that is the real issue, not the numbing vs. non-numbing issue. If you truly want to do it, I would suggest taking it slow (see suggestions above). Start with fingers. Start with breathing. Start with regular non-numbing lube. Make sure you’re aroused to begin with before you start poking at your ass. There are lots of wonderful nerve endings and muscles in and around your ass that are devoted to your pleasure, so rest assured that butt play can be fun and pleasurable. Just be patient.
4. And just to touch briefly on the DIY butt-numbing business… I would be very very careful about making things that are going to then be inserted into blood-rich areas of your body that absorb chemicals VERY rapidly. Whatever you put in your ass is nearly immediately absorbed right into your blood stream. You can poison yourself severely, even fatally by ingesting chemicals this way if you don’t know what you’re doing (and sometimes even if you do). So please. Please. Do not make your own ass cream.
Stay tuned for the next installment of The Accidental Advice Column! And if you have a question you want answered but don’t want to ask a real human being, just type it into Google and click on our blog! I’ll be happy to answer it.
