We hear from a lot of very anxious people concerned about “giving” their partners orgasms. We hear from some irritated people upset at the frequency at which their partners “give” them orgasms. This may seem like idle semantics, but it is not possible to give another person an orgasm. Orgasms are not something your partner has in their possession to wrap up and hand over to you. Orgasms are something you have. Partners are there to help create a situation in which you feel comfortable having your own orgasm. Even the partner with the most overflowing bag of tricks will not help you if you can’t help yourself.
So own up to it! When push comes to thrust, you are responsible for your own orgasm. Sound harsh? Well so does depending on another person… a person who can’t feel what you feel or crawl inside your head to see precisely how you tick. They can be sensitive, they can pay attention to you and the subtle nuances of your response, but they can’t BE you. They can’t tell you what you like, what gets you off. So if you don’t know that, if you’re waiting for your knight in shining armor/pleather/spandex/gabardine (hey, I’m not here to judge) to take one look at you, know exactly what you want, and then pound his royal fingers right on your handy-dandy Orgasm Button, well, sorry folks. That just isn’t going to happen.
So let’s stop putting the burden of proof on the other person, shall we? Let’s learn about our own bodies, go through that long (but fun!) process of figuring out our own sexual proclivities and peccadillos, tell our partners about what we like, and then help each other feel comfortable and at ease so we can have our own orgasms with their relaxed, unanxious assistance. Anxiety, after all, is the anti-orgasm.
