This is mortifying. I still shiver and block it out when the memory arises: I tended to use whatever was available at the age of 16; in my case, my little sister’s ken doll was just the right size. Being widely uneducated about how it all worked down there at that point, I would just sit on it and rock.

Well, we all know how easily those ken heads popped off…. yep. Into the the vajayjay. The problem was, I could not get it out myself. I flipped completely out, thoughts of it going up into my uterus and damaging my internal organs (again, not properly educated!) flying through my panic-induced brain.

What did I do? I told my mother. Took a deep breath, then blurted, “I was masturbating with a ken doll and the head came off inside me!”

The look on her face was a mixture of anger, disappointment and embarrassment. But she took me upstairs, and attempted to get it out. I was crying, mortified to the core.

It got worse. She couldn’t get it out. So she: got. my. FATHER.

…who then got his pliers. That worked.

Dad never talked about it again; mom walked out of the room, scolding me, saying “come talk to me next time you want to do that!”

Read more cringe worthy tales here. Have a story of your own? Share it below!

We just added this lovely, hefty 100% silicone wang to our collection but are stumped as to what to call it!

The real name of it is Grrl Toyz® Strap-On Sea Foam but we think it needs something a little more snappy!

Can you help us?

Give us your best names and our staff will vote on its new name from your submissions! The person’s whose name we choose will win one of their very own Grrl Toyz® Strap-On Sea Foam (aka ???) and the right to brag that they named a dildo. You can just leave your idea in the comments below or tweet it to us at  @earlytobed .

FINE PRINT  Two entries per person. You might want to check our website to see that we don’t already have a toy with that name before you submit your idea. Contest ends at midnight 8/27/10. You must be 21 years old to enter and have a mailing address in the USA.

xoxox

So at Early to Bed we try to make sure that we don’t carry any stupid toys. To that end the staff here tests a lot of what comes through our door before we decide if it is good enough. Sometimes though we need some help testing toys and are looking for a few good folks to help us out. If that interests you can fill out the form below and apply to be a Toy Tester!

If you are selected we’ll send you an item from one of the categories that you have said you are interested in and give you three weeks to test the item and get us a review (review guidelines provided).

Now, this is different from many of the other review programs out there in so much as you will most likely be sent a toy we DON’T already carry. So it could be something we  are interested in carrying but think might not work for some reason and need you to weigh in on it. Or something that is similar to what we already carry but we need to know if it takes it to the next level or not. Stuff like that.

Also, like most other toy review programs out there, we do NOT require that you have your own blog (although it doesn’t hurt if you do) as this information is mostly for our use in-house.

Still interested? Then go ahead and fill out the form below and be sure to read the fine print at the bottom.

FINE PRINT: You must be 21 years old to participate and have a mailing address in the USA. You will have three weeks to review a toy and complete the review form. The first item you are sent will be most likely of a lower value. If things go well, we may send you high-value items, but if you are just looking for lots of free fancy sex toys, this may not be the program for you. Once your review is submitted we reserve the right to use it any way we see fit, ie. post it on our blog, quote from it for any reason, or even ignore your recommendation. If we add the toy to our collection we will most likely quote your review and credit you (if & how you wish). If you have a blog of your own, you can post your review but you must link to our site even if the item is not available from us.

Thanks for applying and good luck! Any questions about this program can be emailed to Searah here.

If you are in Chicago you can get excellent health care at Howard Brown and The Chicago Women’s Health Center. If you are not in Chicago (move here! it is awesome!) locate your nearest LGBT health center for care.

And if you are not trans, it is not like you are off the hook! Be safe people and get those bits looked at. If you tend to not do it just ‘casue you forget (like me) try to remember every year when your birthday comes to call for an appt!

xoxo,
searah

Hi Friends,

So I have some more weird and random s**t that I need to get ride of so we are having another Random Giveaway!

This time I have two boxes of surprises.. one for people who like to be Shocked and one for people who like a Close Shave & Clean Lingerie.

What I am giving away is a surprise and I’ll be honest with you… it will be sale items or just strange random things that we don’t sell for some reason on another. It is all brand new, but the boxes may be a little dented or the packaging lost all together. Don’t worry, it will be brand new and at least sexy and/or fun and/or maybe just weird.. But it will be FREE.. so how could it be bad?!

How do you get in on the action you ask? Here is how..

Between now and Sunday 8/22/10 at midnight you just need to do any or all of the following:

• Respond to this blog telling us whether you like to be Shocked, or Clean Undies (or both !)

• Follow us on Twitter and tweet : @earlytobed is giving away sexy things! Details: http://tinyurl.com/3xgu4cj RT to enter!

(add to be Shocked, or Clean Undies (or both !) to your tweet, if you want a say in what you might win otherwise I’ll choose for you) And sure, tweet every day and increase your chances!

• Mention this contest on your blog and then let us know you did that (via email to searah(at)early2bed.com or via commenting on our blog)

• Join our Facebook Group and post something on our wall telling us whether you like to be Shocked, or Clean Undies (or both !) (or all three!) or just that you want to win and you love us.

Fine Print: Winners will be notified via email or direct message and will have have 72 hours to respond with your full name and mailing address or a new winner will be chosen. This contest is only open to folks 21+ with mailing addresses within the USA. Prizes may be toys, books, body products, porn or any old random sex accessory that has shown up here and if you don’t like what you win, no whining! You cannot win twice in a row. By entering the contest you are certifying that you are at least 21 years old.

People living with disabilities face plenty of stereotypes including ones that portray them as uninterested in sex, so its great when service agencies and social workers address the fact that they are indeed sexual beings like all people. There are some great resources out there that help people with disabilities stay healthy and aware while exercising their rights to a rewarding sex life. When Early to Bed first opened we supplied masturbation aids to an assisted living home, and just recently we ordered a special masturbator for a man with mobility issues. It is important that we continue to help all people feel empowered about their bodies and their sexuality.

The social worker of the boy receiving the trip to Amsterdam claims, “Refusing to offer him this service would be a violation of his human rights.” Jezebel points out the sobering point that this is similar to language used by misogynists to defend rape, “The disabled man in question certainly has the right to seek sexual satisfaction — but claiming he has the right to receive it, at government expense if necessary, risks setting a dangerous precedent.” The idea that men have right to access women’s bodies is ugly and harmful, but the sex in this scenario is consensual as all sex should be whether paid for or not. One thing I like about the story is that it displays an aspect of sex work that is often ignored by the public– sex workers provide a service by giving sex and connection to people who have difficulty finding it elsewhere. But does any one else find it odd that a country where prostitution is illegal has no problem sending a young man to see one elsewhere?

So, is sex a human right? No, but sexuality is. All people are sexual from the time they are born until they die, regardless of mental or physical ability. That’s because sexuality is way waaaay bigger and broader than genitals and tits being rubbed sucked or fucked. Flirting with a cutie, sharing secrets, gazing at yourself in the mirror, smoothing on lotion, wearing lipstick and heels or binding and packing, getting your nipples pierced, and telling someone you love them are all parts of sexuality.

Should taxpayers foot the bill for a 21 year old’s sex holiday? Hell no. There are tons of other 21 year olds who are virgins out of social awkwardness, cosmetic misfortune, or simple lack of opportunity. No one is going to pay for their dream vacations. I have no problem if a private organization decides to provide free lapdances and dating service memberships, but in a country where half of people with disabilities are living in poverty and nearly a quarter have reported being discriminated against while trying to access goods or services there are better things on which to spend tax payer money.