Dear Sex Lady,
I have a little problem and hope you can answer me. When my guy and I have oral sex, I don’t orgasm but it feels really good. He has no problem orgasming but I was wondering if there was something wrong with me. When I masturbate I come, but when I am with a guy it feels so good, but no orgasm! Why? Please help!
Thank you,
Frustrated
Your problem, Frustrated, is most likely a pretty simple case of a few factors. Let me ask you a few questions:
Are you fucked up when you are doing it? If you are drunk or high, your ability to orgasm (as well as drive) may be impaired. Try it sober, your body may respond better.
Are your telling him exactly where to go to make you feel oh so good? And if he does hit the sweet spot, do you find a way to let him know to stay there? (I find “Oh yes, oh yeah, that’s the spot” works very well)
Is he stopping before you are ready for him to? If so, maybe you should encourage him to continue (“Oh baby, don’t stop now, that feels so good”) or have him switch to a hand job for a minute and then he can go back to licking you.
When you masturbate, do you rub real hard to come? If so, maybe his tongue just isn’t enough pressure for your particular clit. Maybe he could add a little handwork to the mix while he’s lapping away. Or if you have a vibrator you (or he) could use that on your clit while he licks the rest of your pussy.
If none of those suggestions seem to work, maybe you should try sticking your hand down there and making yourself come. There is no shame in that! If you need to jack yourself off after he has gotten you all hot and wet, have him stick his fingers in your pussy while you stroke your clit ’till you come. Remember, cooperation can be very rewarding!
Dear Sex Lady,
I decided that it was time I bought my fist vibrator. But when I went to my local sex shop to buy one, I was so overwhelmed with all the different ones that they had that I couldn’t make a decision. I ended up leaving without one! How do I know what kind of vibe to get? Do different ones do different things? I am so confused!
Signed,
Looking for a good buzz
Oh your first vibrator—how very exciting! I remember buying my first vibe like it was yesterday and when I purchased it I faced a similar problem. I think we are very lucky that in this day and age we have such a wonderful variety of sex toys to choose from, but it can pose the problem of figuring out what it is we want. It’s especially hard because like most things that we buy, you can’t return any sex toys after you have tried them out and find they don’t work for you.
I encourage you to try and get to a shop (if you are over 18) that has display models out for you to turn on and touch before you buy. It helps a lot. That way you know exactly what kind of vibration and texture you are getting. Now, to answer your question: There are a few different variations of vibrators and I have broken them down for you here. Keep in mind this is just an overview. There are plenty of vibrators that don’t fit into these categories. These are just the most popular.
Bullet or Egg Vibes: These are little, hard, rounded vibes with a cord attached to the bottom that has a control box. These are good for putting in your vagina or using directly on your clit. Some of them come with removable jelly sleeves that add some extra sensation and some toys (dildos and cockrings) have a hollow space where the egg can fit in. A word of caution about these, they can be sometimes hard to get out of the vagina. You should never pull it by the cord and never use them in your ass. The best way to make sure you can retrieve it easily is to put a condom over the egg before you stick it in and then pull on the condom to get the vibe out. They usually cost between $12 and $25.
Hard and Smooth: These are probably the most widely available vibe. They come in many different shapes and sizes. They are also usually super cheap ($6 and up). These are great for concentrated clit stimulation although most of them work great for vaginal penetration as well. If you like it real hard on your clit, I recommend these.
Soft Vibes: Soft vibes are usually coated with jelly or silicone and very often have ripples or bumps for extra stimulation. They are usually great for penetration (as well as clit stimulation) and some of them have corded control boxes which means your partner can control the buzz if you want him or her to. They range in price from about $12 to $35
Dual Action Vibes: These are the Cadillacs of the vibrator world. They are usually pretty expensive ($70-$90) but are worth every penny. These babies have a shaft for penetration with a branch for your clit protruding from it. The clit stimulator is usually some animal shape (bunnies are very popular) and in many cases, the shaft has rotating pearls that tickle the opening of your vagina. What is great about these is that you can have great vaginal stimulation while the little critter gets your clit.
Electric Vibrators: Electric vibrators plug into the wall (you never have to worry about batteries) and are usually manufactured and marketed as massagers. The Hatachi Magic Wand (about $55) is the most popular and many people’s favorite toy. The vibrations are more powerful then most battery operated vibes and they tend to last a lot longer. The head of the vibe is a bulbous knob that doesn’t really work for penetration, but is great for your clit.
Most people who buy and use vibrators are women, but it doesn’t mean that men don’t (or shouldn’t) use them. A buzz on the shaft of the penis or around the anus (careful what you put in your anus—it must be flanged!) can be quite a thrill. Don’t let the fact that vibrators are marketed almost exclusively to women stop you from enjoying all they have to offer.
|
|
