There are three very important things to remember when going dow (even more important than where your tongue is when).
First: communication. This lover is not like your previous lover and will not be like your future lover. Everybody is different. So you have to be comfortable talking to them about what they like, what they would like you to do, and how you can do what you’re doing differently to help them have the best time. I cannot stress this enough. If you cannot talk about sex to the people you are having sex with… well, when you think about it, that just doesn't make any sense, does it? Those are the people you should be able to talk with the most!
Also, there are many vulva-havers out there who feel uncomfortable receiving oral sex for various reasons that we won’t get into here (that’s a whole other article), so the more comfortable you can make your partner, the more you can make them understand that you truly are so psyched to lick their pussy, the more comfortable they will be and the more likely they will be to enjoy the whole event and even (possibly) have an orgasm.
Secondly: receptiveness. The only way you’ll know if your moves are working is if you pay attention to their body language, facial expressions (if you can see them), and vocalizations. Rhythmic moans or groans are good. The thrusting of a pelvis and hips into your face is good. Grabbing your hair is good. Pulling away or wincing–not good. Seems obvious, right? But sometimes we get so caught up in what we’re doing that we stop noticing what your lover is doing. So start noticing. If they seem to like what you’re doing, keep doing it. If they becomes less enthusiastic, it’s not the end of the world… just try something else!
Third thing to remember: don’t be a reductionist. In other words, you are more than the tip of your tongue, and your lover's bits are more than that little clitty nub. You can use your lips, your hands, your teeth (but be careful!!), your nose (like a firmer, more solid tongue!), your eyelashes… the list goes on. Seriously! Get right up in there. Rub the almighty clit with your nose, stick your tongue into the vag, rub your lips up and down your lover's lips, try some eyelash kisses, light labia sucking, massage the vulva with your hands… who knew you had so many tools at your disposal!
And even with just your tongue, there are so many options! You can flatten it for a nice, soft wet feeling, or you can point it for a more intense, direct lick. Remember, the more enthusiastic you are about muff-diving, the more into it your partner is going to be. As far as parts go, do not neglect the inner labia, outer labia, perineum (’taint the ass… ), vagina, thighs, hips, butt, breasts, arms, knees… . It can get lonely as the receiver of cunnilingus, so try not to forget the non-vulva parts.
So, you’re well on your way, right? You’re going to communicate with your partner, preferably by asking yes or no questions in the heat of the moment (who has the mental capacity to think of long answers then?), you’re going to be receptive to every twitch, and you’re going to remember that you are both have many sexy parts.
So… what now?
It’s a good idea to start slow. This goes with the non-reductionist theme, but don’t dive straight for the clit. That is a surefire way to get a kick in the head. Clits are sensitive, and they take a little while to warm up, just like the rest of a person. So start with kissing, breast fondling, general fondling… when you find yourself in the genital area, nibble on thighs, lick that spot between their thighs and labia, press your whole hand on the vulva, run your finger along the labia, your tongue, your lips… wait until they are squirming and moaning before you even think about hitting the clit. Even then, maybe you want to explore the vagina first. Stick your tongue in, swirl it around the opening. And finally, finally… try softly running your tongue up the length of the vulva and setting it to rest on the clit. Swirl it around softly, up and down, side to side- whatever they are responding to most. Increase in intensity over time if your lover seems into it… some might want more pressure and stimulation, while others prefer it soft. With a little dexterity, you can add a finger into the vagina (if they like that) and even feel for a G-spot, which some people find to increase the intensity of a cunnilingus session. The key here is to have variety in your moves until your partner gets to the point where they are rhythmically rocking into you, panting rhythmically, and seem to be nearing the point of orgasm. At this point, do NOT change what you’re doing… consistency is key for them to reach orgasm.
I know what you’re thinking… what do you do if you get tired? You get that strange pain in your tongue, jaw, and neck, and it stops being quite as fun for you, right? Well, there are a couple of things to consider here. First, if your lover is high up on the arousal scale before you start licking like crazy, you’ll probably have less of a chance of getting tired… simply in terms of time (so take time to build up arousal before your break out your tongue). Secondly, consider it a part of the variation we talked about… take a break and play with your hands on their clit or vagina, or use another non-mouth part of your face for awhile. It’s not cheating, I promise! Just make sure you’re ready for the home stretch at the end when you really do need to stay consistent! Thirdly, helping your lover relax and feel comfortable and at ease ahead of time is a great idea. Some folks find they have a difficult time climaxing because they’re thinking of other things, or worrying about their partner, or are generally tense. The more you can rid the space of that tension, the less strain cunnilingus will put on you both.
It is important to remember though, even after all of these preparations and considerations, that some folk's sexual responses can take awhile… but try not to think of it as a burden or a race to the finish, but rather a long, luxurious time for the two of you to get aroused and have a good time. And of course, we all know that orgasm shouldn’t be the “goal”, right? Because with goals come pressure and expectations, which leads to feelings of inadequacy (on all parts), which leads to anxiety and irritation, which leads to no orgasms. It’s a vicious cycle. So go into cunnilingus with no expectations other than to make someone else feel good and taste some delicious deliciousness, and everyone will have a good time.
RESOURCES:
Blush Finger Vibe (easy to use while going down)