Lots of people of all genders and orientations enjoy anal stimulation. There are all kinds of things you can do with someone’s (or you own) butt from stimulating your ass with a vibrator during masturbation to strapping-on a dildo and penetrating your partner. There are, however, a few important things that you need to keep in mind with any butt play.
RELAX: Lots of people who are new to butt play are afraid of pain and consequently, they tense up when someone plays with their ass. This only makes it hurt more. The more you are able to relax and enjoy the butt action, the less painful you will find it. If you are relaxed, using plenty of lube and WANT to have anal sex, there should be very little pain, if any at all. And while anal sex is something that is enjoyed by all kinds of people, it isn’t for everyone and you should never let anyone coerce you into doing anything that you don’t want to do.
USE PLENTY OF LUBE: Unlike our other sexual organs, anuses do not produce any lubrication of their own, so you should always use some sort of lube. You best best is to use a thicker, water-based lube like Slippery Stuff Gel, Sliquid Sassy or a silicone lube, we love the super thick JO Premium Jelly. You can also use an oil based lube or even good old fashioned Crisco*, but remember that if there is any oil in your lubricant, you will not be able to use any latex barriers (although you can use non-latex condoms and gloves) which brings me to my next point….
PRACTICE SAFER SEX: The anus is made of delicate tissue that can easily rip or tear. This makes a person even more susceptible to infection of you are not properly protected. Use a condom on your dick. If you are using a butt plug, dildo or vibrator, using a condom will help keep the toy cleaner, especial if it is made of a porous material like jelly rubber. Wear finger cots or latex gloves if you are putting your finger, hand or fist in someone else ass. Not only they it protect your from disease, many people find that a gloved hand is more comfortable for the receiver (rough cuticles and hangnails can hurt!). If you are performing analingus (oral/anal contact) use a dental dam to protect yourself.
START SLOW: Most people cannot pleasurably go from being a butt sex virgin to taking a whole penis or dildo up their ass right away. Start out with inserting a finger or two and work your way up to a small butt plug. Some people find that they never really want to take anything bigger in their butt than a finger or plug and that is just fine. If you are angling for taking a whole cock or full sized dildo in there, move to a larger plug or more fingers before you go for the whole shebang.
USE BUTT-SAFE TOYS: Never put anything in your butt that doesn’t have a flanged base and for best results use toys that are designed for anal use. Yes, things can get lost in there, so if your vibrator, dildo or random household object doesn’t have a base that will stop it from getting sucked into your butt, don’t put it in there! That is unless you have some kink about emergency rooms doctors removing objects from your anus.
IF IT HURTS, STOP: Pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong. If you experience a lot of pain, stop what you are doing. Anal sex may be a little uncomfortable at first, but it should not hurt. Lube, relaxation and desire to have something in your butt will make the whole experience a lot more pleasant.
AVOID DESENSITIZING CREAMS: There are creams and lubes out there that are made to numb your ass so you don’t feel pain when being penetrated. These are dangerous because usually if you are feeling pain when being penetrated that means that your tissue is tearing and you want to minimize that. It is important that you are in tune with and aware of your body’s sensations while having anal sex. Using a desensitizing cream only alienates your from your body and makes your more likely to cause some kind of damage.
For more information on the topic we recommend you check out these books: Anal Pleasure and Health, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men and The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure
* If you or your partner have a vagina, you want to avoid oil as a lube. Oil in the vagina can create an environment that makes it more susceptible to infections.